Recently, I’ve been re-reading a book I first listened to last year, during one of my own harsh metaphorical winters. 
 
Wintering by Katherine May
Subtitle: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. 

The author shares how a period of winter (seasonal or metaphorical), can be a great time to re-read favorite books. There is a comfort and coziness offered in the familiarity. How’s that for meta? 😉

“In winter, you are never more than a few steps away from darkness”. -Katherine May

The concepts in this book have me reflecting on my own seasons of winter. Especially the recent ones. And especially the ones that left me a different person after they were weathered. 

She writes; “Some ideas are too big to take in all at once or completely”. This resonates as true in so many ways. As I notice how her words land differently than they did the first time around. 
 
People often avoid winters as much as possible. We’ve been conditioned to in many ways. Whether it’s the icy roads and minimal sunlight or the grief, anguish, illness, loss, and ultimate acknowledgment of death that we resist. We do our best to deny the cold, even as it’s creeping in through every crack in the windows. 
 

That was definitely me for many years of my life.  I’ve always loved the season of snow, basketball, and hot drinks. But I had no interest in allowing a metaphorical winter into my reality.
 
I ran from my winters. At all costs. 
 
Until I couldn’t run any more. May writes, “transformation is the business of winter”.  And there came a point where I couldn’t resist the transformation any longer. I had to acknowledge that what she said is true. Life never does quite offer us simple happy endings. 
 
And if I wanted to live a life that was true and real and expansive (I did); I would have to acknowledge winter. More than that, I would have to honor winter and allow it to transform me.

Even during the sludgy, muddy, can’t-get-out-of-bed, phases. 😫
 

My relationship to winter changed once I truly allowed it in. When I stopped denying it and accepted what this winter was asking of me…
 
To slow down…
 
Retreat inside…
 
Be gentle with myself…
 
While also being radically honest with myself...

And to feel it. Feel it all. 

To be firm with others…
 
and allow myself rest…
 
Until spring was ready. 
 
And spring did come. It actually came. Not when I wanted it to. And not by force of willpower or delusional thinking. But it came when it was ready.

In the divine timing that nature continues to remind me of. 

The warmth snuck up on me, until I started to notice more and more days strung together that felt less and less like winter. No longer waking to the thoughts of “everything feels wrong”. Perspectives had shifted. The forest was becoming more visible. I started to realize that not only would I survive this winter. But life would look a whole lot different on the other side.  
 
I don’t resist winters nearly as much anymore. Now, I’m not going to pretend I welcome each one in with enthusiasm. But I don’t run, avoid, or deny like I used to. I’ve learned there is healing power in the cold. Not only for our physical joints and ailments. But for our mental and emotional pains as well. I’ve learned to let winter in as that first snow comes down. No longer denying the ice and then crashing because I’m ill-prepared. 
 
I know and trust now that I’ll be able to survive each winter. Just like the winters before. All the seasons come in cycles. Spring and summer and fall will also get their time in my life. And when I fully allow and embrace winter, the other seasons shine through even more fully. I’ve learned a lot about myself during each cycle of winter. Each one preparing me for the next.